05/19/2003 - Recalling The Night I Lost My Brother Today my family and I experienced the most horrible traumatic loss we have ever believed to be possible. Little did we know that later in the evening our entire lives would be changed forever? The nightmare began at 10:16p.m Monday night. My 6 year-old daughter, Ciera came running up to my room and I ask her what she was doing and she said, "Grandma told me to come up here for a minute." I asked her, "Why?" She said, I don't know. So I went downstairs to see what was going on. I yelled for my Mom, but she never answered. I came back up to my room and told Ciera she must be taking out the garbage. Ciera said no Pap Pap did that already. So I kind of shrugged it off thinking maybe she was doing something else and just wanted her out of the way. I also remembered that she had wanted to have a talk with my older brother Shawn in regards to the vehicle belonging to them that he was currently using to get back and forth to work. She had stated the day before, she was going to tell him that he had one month to get his own vehicle, rather than use her car. My brother tended to get a little hot-headed when things like this came about, so I knew she didn't want Ciera to be around when she talked with him. About 10 minutes had passed and I heard what sounded like screams. I thought it was coming from my TV so I turned it down and told Ciera to be quite for a minute. It was screams and they were coming from outside my window. I took off outside. To my horrific surprise, I saw a police officer standing at the edge of our driveway. My mother was pacing through the grass, yelling and crying hysterically. I said mom, "What is wrong?" With no hesitation she screamed, Shawn is dead. Even with all the crying and screaming, I was able to easily make out what she had said. Though, I don't think it had actually registered in my head what she was telling me. As the nightmare continues, the officer says, "There is no easy way to tell you this, but your brother was killed tonight in a car wreck." I asked him, where? He said, I am not exactly sure the location, but it was in Richhill Township, PA. He went on to say it was almost at the WV/PA state line. I at the time had no idea where Richhill Township was or why he was there. While this man is telling me this, my daughter is confused and scared and runs to me wanting to know why her Grandma is screaming. Our puppy runs out the door and at the same time I am trying to keep Ciera from being scared, grab the dog, and pick my mom up from the yard. So, I am still in a state of shock and confusion. The officer hands me a piece of paper and tells me I need to call these individuals to get the details. The people were that of the investigating PA Trooper and the Greene County Deputy Coroner. I took the paper and went to help my mom. He never ask if she would be okay, never said he was sorry for our loss or even gave a damn about other family members. I just knew he had a smirk on his face and at the time I wasn't even aware of whom he actually was. I got my mom inside and frantically looked for the phone number to call my father, who had just left an hour ago, traveling the same road and going to the same location where his son just hours earlier was killed. By, now I am numb, I feel and think nothing, my mind is blank. My daughter, says why you calling Pap Pap? I kneeled down by her and said Ciera, Uncle Shawn was in a car wreck. Her being only 6 and my obsession for NASCAR racing probably had her thinking, okay, we see car wrecks every Sunday and most of them get out and are not hurt. Mind you she has seen me cry hysterically on two occasions, those both of being when two NASCAR drivers were killed in the wrecks. The only way I knew she would understand what happened and being able to relate the actual event was to say to her, Ciera, do you know we don't see Dale Earnhardt on the race track anymore because he died, she said yeah. I said Uncle Shawn was in a wreck and baby he isn't coming home. I don't know exactly what she was thinking, but I do know she was scared. So I proceeded to get in contact with my father and had to call numerous numbers, I was getting so frustrated because I couldn't get anyone, Ciera had even ask me if I wanted her to call. Finally after the sixth try, someone picked up. I told them I don't know if I have the right number or who it is I am talking to, but I am looking for Tim Lightner. The man said he knows him and knows where he is. I say to him, I can not tell you why, but this is his daughter and I need my father home immediately, it is a family emergency. He asks no questions and says he will tell him. Moments later, the phone rings, it is my dad, he says, "What's Up" in a calm voice. I said Dad I need you to get home now. He says, "I just got here." I said, "Dad please I need you to come home." He says, "Is your mom okay?" I said, "Yes", Is Ciera okay, I said yes. The next question is the tough one. "Is Shawn, okay?" I don't know if he knew it, but my voice cracked and tears start coming. I try to stay calm. Dad, please I need you home. Again, "Is Shawn okay? This time in a more demanding voice. My father had to travel a little over an hour to get home and I knew I could not tell him what happened and expect him to make it here safely. So I again begged him to come home. He said okay. I said, "Are you coming" He said I guess. Knowing, my dad he had probably thought my brother had did something dumb. I am pretty sure he never wanted or allowed the thought of him being physically hurt or killed to cross his mind. After, that I knew I had to get someone here to help me. Without thinking and realizing that I was getting ready to break my Grandfather's heart, I called him. My brother and Pap were very close and at the time my brother had stayed at our house and at his house. He answered, and I said,” Pap" He said, "Yeah" I said, "Pap, this is Tamee" He said, "Hi, Tamee" I said, "Pap, Shawn was in a car wreck, and without hesitation I said, Pap he didn't make it." He yells, Oh, NO, Oh My God." I could literally feel his pain. I asked him if he could go get my Aunt Christy, who lived next door to him and tell her I need her over here. I said, I can't help my mom and my Dad is on his way and he doesn't know. He said, Yes and again said, "No, in a painful voice." My next call was to my grandmother, my father’s mother and dad. It was pretty late and I wasn't sure she would answer because they went to sleep pretty early, luckily she did. I said, Grandma, Shawn was in a wreck. She said, "Is he okay?" I said, "No, Grandma he didn't make it." I proceeded to tell her that my Dad was on his way home from the coal mine and doesn't know. "Grandma, I need your help." I can't control my mom and when he gets here I know I can't control him. She said, "Do you want us to come down?" I said, "Yes." I hung up and now I have a moment to take this is, my daughter still by my side, I fall to the ground and start to cry. I am thinking, Tamee you have to regain yourself, you have to be strong, my Mom and Dad need me. I got up and went to check on my mom, who was pacing the house, punching the walls and still crying hysterically. I got a cold rag and put it on her head; I didn't want her to pass out on me. Twenty-minutes into this nightmare, my Aunt arrives. I swear It literally seemed like hours for her to get here, I know it wasn't but it sure seemed it. She was very upset, she went into the house and grabbed my mom and hugged her. I next, have to call the numbers I was given. I had no idea what happened other than a wreck. I first, called the PA Trooper and I said, I was told to contact you in regards to a wreck my brother was involved in. He paused, and asked me what I was told. I said all I know is my brother was in a wreck, close to the WV/PA state line. He asked me to hold, and I am thinking is this a damn TV show or what asking someone to hold in a situation like this. I waited for what again seemed like hours, but was probably only minutes until he came back. He said, "Did an officer Murray contact you?" I said, yes. He asked me, what exactly I was told. I said, "He said my brother was killed in a car wreck." He responded, "Ok, I wasn't sure that you knew it was fatal and we can not tell you that information over the phone. I said, yes, I know. He then asked me what I wanted to know. I said, what happened? He asked if my brother worked at the coalmine, and I said he did. He stated the collision was with a school bus in which he struck head on. He said no children were on the bus. I was certainly relived of that. He said it happened around Wind Ridge. He then ask if I wanted details and said he felt I probably did not need to know all that right now due to it had just happened and I had just found out. I said, no I don't want the details. He said it would be best that I contact the coroner to give the information as to where we would like to have him sent. I said okay and he said when this has time to register and whatever I would like to know to call him back. I hung up and called the coroner. I called the coroner and she informed me that he “apparently” crossed over the centerline and was according to the bus driver asleep. The bus driver had told someone either her or the trooper that she did everything to avoid him. She said, he had his head down and just before they hit he looked up and tried to turn back into the other lane. She also stated she was as close to her side of the roads guardrail as she could get. According to her statement, she stated that he was when she came up on him completely over in her lane. She also said behind her was a truck and behind the truck was another bus and if she would have slammed on the brakes the truck would have been crushed between the two buses. She also said, that she was saying over and over, "That poor family." The bus driver’s mother apparently had to take her to the ER to be sedated due to shock and hysteria. She then asked some specific questions about my brother. She asked if he was married or had children, I said no. She said because he had a bunch of pictures of children in his wallet. I later saw those pictures were of his one and only niece and my daughter, whom he loved more than his own life and our cousin’s son. She asked if he was a little guy because he didn't seem to be very big. I said yes he was. She then stated that she believed he had died as a result of head or chest injuries. An autopsy was supposed to be preformed the following day. She said he died on impact and probably was not aware of what was happening and that he never felt any pain. I then gave her the information on the funeral home and ended the call. After hanging up, I went upstairs to where my grandmother was and we waited on my dad. We waited outside because I didn't want him to hear this news, the way I had to hear it. He came flying down our street and pulled into the driveway. He had a look on his face that I will never forget. He basically looked pissed. I guess he expected me to say something not so devastating, I only wish I could have told him something other than what I was about to. He had seen my grandmother and grandfather on the porch, so I knew he realized this was pretty bad. In all this I noticed, my grandfather actually turn his back to him. I don't think he wanted to see my fathers face after he knew or he had turned to hide his own emotions from him. I grabbed his arm and said, Dad, Shawn was in a wreck and didn't make it. At least I think that is what I said. I watched the color of his skin turn completely white. He stood there and said, No sir, like in a Tamee, this isn't funny kind of way. I said he was coming home from work. He said, he didn't work today, I said he did. He said no he didn't I seen the schedule. He then rushed into the house to find my mother. I am not sure if he thought I was playing a cruel joke on him or what, but I knew reality struck when he saw my mom in the kitchen crying. He stood by the counter and had such a grip on it that I could see his knuckles changing colors. I didn't know if he was getting ready to pull it apart or pound it. He began shaking his head and saying NO, NO. Then said he didn't work today, my mom said he did, he was to be off the following day. I don't know what happened other than I tried to console my daughter because she was now afraid because there were so many people at our house and all of them were crying. She wanted to know why everyone was here. Between the phone and trying to give everyone all the info I was given on the crash I had basically went back to being numb and going insane. I kept thinking over and over, I am only 27 I shouldn't have this kind of responsibility. I have always been the one who depended on my parents not the other way around. I could literally hear my brother taunting me, saying I told you that you need to grow up. So, my next step was to keep a watchful eye on my mom and dad. I tried to track their every move. I lost my dad at one point and started saying, where is Uncle Shawn to my daughter. She looked at me like what? Then I realized what I said. I meant my Dad, I finally found both my parents outside. Both looked numb and still of course very much upset. My Mom, uttered to me, Tamee don't you ever leave us. I said, I am not. Later this would become one of my biggest fears, if I should leave them, what it would do to them. Time passed, everyone began to leave. I wanted to get out for a minute I felt overwhelmed with all this and needed to take it all in. I also, had to see my grandfather. I felt horrible having to tell him the way I did. I went over his house and I walked in and he said, there's Tamee. I had to kind of laugh because not to long ago I went over with my brother and he had not even recognized me. He thought my brother had brought over a girlfriend. I guess I was relieved he knew who I was especially during this. I gave him a hug. He asked how my mom was. We talked about other things, and then he said I am sure going miss that boy, he was my buddy. He was with me since he was born. I knew the bond they shared. He was his first grandson. My brother idolized him. There was a time in my brothers life he had gotten really scared that my grandfather was going to pass away, he said to me he didn't know what he would do if he did, he even had tears in his eyes as he was saying it. I knew if that day came my brother would be heartbroken and I knew that I would have dreaded seeing him in so much pain. Fortunately, for him he didn't have to cross that path, but unfortunately for my Pap, he did and the pain for him is just as severe. Being certain my Pap was okay, I went back home, I knew my parents would be worried about me. I went home and everyone was now gone. My mom was cleaning trying to keep her mind off it, though I know it didn't work. My dad was sitting in the chair just I know thinking and Ciera had fallen asleep finally. We all gathered in the kitchen and talked then out of nowhere, an alarm starts going off. I looked around and just before I went to pick up a watch above my head, my mom says, "it isn't" sure enough it was, I asked who's watch it was, she said Shawn's it is broke. He threw it up there because it didn't work and he got a new one. I checked the time and it had 5:04am, the time he would have been getting up for work, but it was only 2:31am. It was odd that it happened after everyone left and we were all together in the same room. I am hoping it was his first of a few signs that he is okay and he made it. My dad laid down and I went to my room now desperate for answers and my way of getting answers has always seemed to be from the internet. I looked through news sites and found nothing. As I am sitting in my chair, I hear in a clear voice my brother yelling, "Mom." He use to stand at the top of our stairs and yell down to her a lot. I even turned to check to see if it was him, but he wasn't there. I know you can hear voices and all, but this one was just too real. I just wished it would have been. This is a photo of the 1991 Ford Mustang, the car my brother had loved and had taken with him on May 19th, 2003. Shawn's very first time driving the Mustang was the night of his Senior Prom. He was so excited more so to "be allowed" finally to drive it rather than going to the prom itself. We were given a wallet my brother had beside him in the car. The wallet contained photos of my daughter, Ciera, his cousin Colton and a photo of our half-brother Timmy. Some of the photos he carried were placed inside his casket to be buried with him. His license was used to identify him rather than a family member. The coroner stated because she was able to tell it was him from the picture she did not need a family member to identify him SITE MENU HOME | ABOUT SHAWN | THE ACCIDENT | RESTING PLACE CRASH SCENE | FAMILY | LOOKING BACK | SIGNS | SPORTS MUSIC | POEMS | ONLINE MEMORIALS | MEMORY BOOK GUESTBOOK | LINKS | WEBRINGS | MEMORIAL WALL VIRTUAL QUILT | E-MAIL 30TH BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN | THANKSGIVING | CHRISTMAS | VALENTINES DAY EASTER | 1ST HEAVENILY ANNIVERSARY | 6 YEAR ANNIVERSARY **Background Music by - 3 Doors Down ~The Road I'm On~**