In Memory of Shawn Michael Lightner

We named a star in memorial to Shawn. The star is within the boundaries of the constellation "Aquila, The Eagle", I chose this constellation because he is free, yet he still soars among us.
Go to the Star Catalog

May 22, 2003

This was the hardest day of my entire life. It happened to be the day that my family and I faced the reality that Shawn was not coming home.

I can still see vividly in my head the sliding doors opening and my brother lying there. He looked peaceful and for that I guess I felt at ease, but I couldn't believe I was seeing this. Just as the doors opened and I caught a glimpse of him, I covered my eyes. I guess I had hoped when I uncovered them he wouldn't be there, but he was.

Some time ago my brother and I had talked about what we wanted to have done when we died. So, I knew exactly what he wanted me to do for him, though I never dreamt I would be picking out his clothes and making a CD filled with music that he loved and have to use it this way. Shawn had said "When I die I want to be buried in my Steelers clothes." He was dressed in his Steelers Jersey, a pair of nylon Steelers pants, and underneath his Jersey a Davey Allison shirt. He had on a pair of Cincinnati Red socks and my Dad had told them to put his Dale Jarrett hat on his head because Shawn ALWAYS wore a hat, but it was lying next to him. I am not sure how I missed it, but my Dad lifted his head and put it were it belonged on his head. Also lying next to him was a Dale Jarrett shirt. The flowers were Yellow with black ribbons (Steelers colors). His casket was baby blue (blue was his favorite color as a little boy, and the inside top had a photo of doves with the words "Going Home".

My family and I were just in total shock. I looked down at Ciera(his niece) as she stood with her head down. She would occasionally glance up at him. I knew this was a little to much for her so I took her out and she ask me why? She told me she wanted to go back in. She sat in the room and I would see her quickly look up at him then put her head down. I couldn't even imagine what she was thinking.

It took until the second visit that evening for me to be with my brother just me and him. I had even started to get frustrated with everyone because I wanted to be with him, but I wanted no one in the room. We got along so much better when it was just the two of us and that's how I needed it to be. So before we had to leave I went up and told him I love him and kissed him on the cheek. Having to first come in the room was so hard, but having to leave was even harder. I wish I could have just stayed there with him.

The morning of the services I went to get the newspaper, I opened it to the obituaries and there staring at me was my own flesh and blood. At that very minute his smiling face made me feel miserable. It just was not right.

My brother would be so proud of his service. I wanted it to be just as he would have wanted. The opening began with a song from his favorite group Guns N' Roses, Knocking on Heavens Door. We are fortunate enough to have my Uncle as a preacher; he delivered such a touching service along with his beautiful wife who also sang. I had wanted to say a few things, but I knew I wouldn't have it in me to do so.

On our way to lay my brother to rest, I had told my family I wanted to ride behind them so I could play my music just like he would have wanted me to. I know he wouldn't have wanted me to play anything, but Tupac, so I did. My Grandfather had made a remark, just before the paw bearers were called to carry Shawn’s casket, that he wanted to be a paw bearer. At the cemetery he did just that. My mother and father released two doves and we placed some flowers that we had picked from our yard on top of his casket.
The main thing that was able to keep me sane through his entire service was the fact that, "For all the things that I had done wrong, and for all those times I failed him, I felt I had finally made him proud I was his sister." It had actually felt as if he was standing right beside me holding me up. He was helping me be strong for everyone.

Shawna Michele blowing kissing to Uncle Shawn 5/19/2010

**Background Music by - Lonestar ~Not A Day Goes By~**